note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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