you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
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