that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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