My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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