I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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