I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
