Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
