you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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