Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
