wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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