You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize