4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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