the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
