I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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