I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
