just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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