I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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