I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
