HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
