I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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