I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
