sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
