The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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