she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
