I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
