SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
