As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
