In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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