Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
