We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
