my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
