Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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