that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
