She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
