with your own penis?
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize