There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
this hospital has no fireball
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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