Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Yo dont text me then not text me
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
