i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
