Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize