the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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