sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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