You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I need to wash the frat house off of me
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
