what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
honey bunches of taint.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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