She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
