nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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