i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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