Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
