He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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