yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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