just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
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