That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
