i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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