the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize