I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
