You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
