So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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