Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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