it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
