can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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