I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
i think im in europe. pls send help
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
