i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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