Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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