I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
