so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize