how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
