My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize