dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
