Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
