You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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