thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
