And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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