he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
