If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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