I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I wish I only lived at night.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
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