yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
