During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
