first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
