i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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