coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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