I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
