I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
