Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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