sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
