Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
