ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
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