chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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