Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
