I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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