I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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